THE EXPLANATORY FIC
(CHARACTERS do something interesting. CAMERA fades to black in the middle of it.)
CAMERA: Well, I'm done here.
AUTHOR: Like hell you are.

THE BACKSTORY FIC
CHARACTER: Alas, I do not have much of a backstory.
AUTHOR: Now you do!
CHARACTER: ... hooray?

THE BACKSTORY FIC, PART 2
EXTREMELY MINOR CHARACTER: I have no backstory, no personality, and perhaps three lines of dialogue.
AUTHOR: Well, we can't have that.

THE MARY SUE
CHARACTER: I'm OOC.
MARY SUE: I'm stereotypical.
(Awkward moment.)
CHARACTER: I love you.
MARY SUE: I love you too, snookie-ookie-wookums.

THE SELF-INSERT
CHARACTER: Something is wrong.
SELF-INSERT: I can fix it!
(She does.)
CHARACTER: You're very strong.
SELF-INSERT: I can beat you all up!
CHARACTER: You're fourteen.
SELF-INSERT: And I can solve all your problems!
CHARACTER: That's wonderful! We trust you utterly!

THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT FIC
CHARACTER: We won! It's over!
AUTHOR: Like hell it is.
(New VILLAIN appears, looking startlingly like the AUTHOR.)
VILLAIN: ... rar?
CHARACTER: Well, shit. Gather everybody up again.
AUTHOR: Yay!

THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT FIC, PART 2

CHARACTER: We won! It's over!
OTHER CHARACTER: Suddenly I feel so... evil.
CHARACTER: Shit. Everybody, get back here.
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: I'll bring the angst!

THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT FIC, PART 3
CHARACTER: So, here it is, five or twenty or a hundred years later.
OTHER CHARACTER: We're all old and we've gotten on with our lives.
(Something happens.)
CHARACTER: Well, shit. Everybody?
OTHER CHARACTER: I'll be right there! Where are my false teeth?

THE AU
AUTHOR: So if this never happened then this happened instead and this never happened and then this happened, and...
CHARACTER: ... who am I?
OTHER CHARACTER: I'm so lost. I don't think I used to be this nice.
READERS: Whoa. Cool.

THE AU, PART 2
CHARACTER: ... this isn't an AU, I'm just ridiculously OOC.
OTHER CHARACTER: I think that's thanks to the freakishly modern-day setting.
CHARACTER: ... someone, help, I'm having an identity crisis!
OTHER CHARACTER: Jeans! I'm wearing jeans!

THE FISH OUT OF WATER
CHARACTER: Help me! I've been yanked out of my world and dropped into the real world!
AUTHOR: Hi there!
CHARACTER: Help!
(See: MARY SUE.)

THE CROSSOVER
CHARACTER: Where am I?
CHARACTER FROM COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SERIES: What are you doing here?
CHARACTER: Who are you?
AUTHOR: Play nice!
(Wackiness ensues.)

THE PWP (HET)
CHARACTER: I'm straight!
CHARACTER OF OPPOSITE GENDER: What a coincidence! So am I!
(They have sex.)

THE PWP (HOMO)
CHARACTER: I'm straight!
CHARACTER OF SAME GENDER: Like hell you are.
(They have sex.)

THE CUTE ROMANCE
CHARACTER: I am flirting.
OTHER CHARACTER: I am flirting too.
CHARACTER: Aren't we cute?
OTHER CHARACTER: We are!
(They kiss, or hug, or just eye each other meaningfully.)

THE ANGSTY ROMANCE
CHARACTER: This is so wrong.
OTHER CHARACTER: Yet this is so right.
CHARACTER: I love you yet I hate you.
OTHER CHARACTER: Shut up, bitch, and kiss me.
CHARACTER: Fuck you!
OTHER CHARACTER: Hey, don't mind if I do.
CHARACTER: Noooo!
(Someone dies or kills self.)

THE CONFLICTED ROMANCE
CHARACTER: I love you!
OTHER CHARACTER: I love you!
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: I love you too!
CHARACTER: ... shit.
OTHER CHARACTER: Angst.
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: Woe.
CHARACTER: I just can't decide!
READERS: For god's sake! Flip a coin!

THE ANGSTFEST
CHARACTER: Woe.
(Bad shit happens.)
CHARACTER: Angst.
(More bad shit happens, sometimes in flashback.)
CHARACTER: Alas.
(CHARACTER dies or kills self.)

THE ANGSTFEST, PART 2
CHARACTER: Woe.
OTHER CHARACTER: I'm sorry.
CHARACTER: Angst.
OTHER CHARACTER: I wish I could help.
CHARACTER: Alas.
OTHER CHARACTER: Please, let me heal your soul.
CHARACTER: Okay.
(Everything becomes fine.)

THE PARODY
CHARACTER: Something OOC and highly ironic.
OTHER CHARACTER: Equally OOC and ironic response.
(OOC stuff happens.)
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: Highly OOC ironic commentary.
(Hopefully, the READERS laugh.)

THE INCOMPETANT PARODY
CHARACTER: OOC and scatological!
OTHER CHARACTER: OCC and mispeled j0!
(Nothing happens.)
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: OOC response!
CHARACTER: Dorky laughter!

THE POST-GAME FIC
CHARACTER: Hey, are those the credits?
OTHER CHARACTER: Well, I guess we can go on with our lives now.
CHARACTER: Okay! So, where do you want to go?
OTHER CHARACTER: ... I dunno.
AUTHOR: That's okay! I know!

THE POST-GAME FIC, PART 2
CHARACTER: Well, we've had a very sweet innocent loving relationship
for a while now.
OTHER CHARACTER: Are those the credits?
AUTHOR: You bet they are!
CHARACTER: Wanna live happily ever after, or failing that, have filthy
sex?
OTHER CHARACTER: Sure!

THE SONGFIC
CHARACTER: I quote lyrics to a popular song in a meaningful way.
AUTHOR: I am saved from having to be original.
CHARACTER: More lyrics are quoted as I perform appropriate actions
to them.
AUTHOR: I hurt people with my perceived depth.
READERS: AUGH get this BSB song out of my skull AUGH.

THE POEM
CHARACTER: Angst. Woe. Oh dear. Oh no.
AUTHOR: Hey! Not like that, that rhymes.
CHARACTER: Oh. Sorry. Um. Angst. Woe. Depression. Sentence fragments. Oddly indented phrasing.
AUTHOR: That's better.

THE HOLIDAY FIC
CHARACTER: ... but why would we celebrate Christmas? We're so obviously not Christian.
OTHER CHARACTER: And I'm not really the type to be this happy.
YET ANOTHER CHARACTER: It doesn't snow in this town!
AUTHOR: Shut up and string tinsel. My fic.

THE MOOD PIECE
CHARACTER: Nothing is happening.
AUTHOR: Mood.
OTHER CHARACTER: Nothing is still happening.
AUTHOR: Mood.
CHARACTER: But it's not happening in a very pretty and adjectival way.
OTHER CHARACTER: So it is.
AUTHOR: Mood.
(READERS snore.)

THE CONFUSING FIC
CHARACTER: What happened?
OTHER CHARACTER: Fuck if I know.
AUTHOR: It's symbolic!
CHARACTER: ... fuck.

THE CONFUSING FIC, PART 2
CHARACTER: What happened?
OTHER CHARACTER: Fuck if I know.
AUTHOR: hur hur hur th1s suxx0rz j00 r so GAY!!! R&R pl33z!!!!!!!
CHARACTER: ... fuck.